In most offices, Monday morning conversations follow a script. Someone asks about the weekend, and the other person shares a safe, familiar story. A brunch. A hike. A family barbecue. Most people answer without thinking too hard. But some sit quietly, unsure of what to say. Not because they had a bad weekend, but because their reality doesn’t fit the usual lifestyle.
For those who live an alternative lifestyle like “swinging”, the challenge is not about how to live, it’s about how much to reveal. And for many, this part can feel lonelier than expected.
A married man in his 30s recently shared how this tension plays out for him. He and his wife are swingers. They’ve built trust, explored their desires, and found joy in something that works for them. But when Monday comes and someone at work casually asks, “How was your weekend?” he finds himself stuck between honesty and social survival.
Now, for those who may not know what swinging is…It is one of those lifestyles where a married couple agrees to meet other couples for sex. Normally, both partners know about it, support each other, and enjoy it.
The Hidden Side of Openness
There is often an assumption that once someone embraces an open or alternative lifestyle, they automatically become more confident, more open, and more expressive. But it doesn’t always work like that.
For this man, his lifestyle isn’t a secret. His wife knows. They’re on the same page. They support each other. The challenge isn’t at home, it’s out there, in the everyday places where honesty might not land well.
He described the awkwardness of these moments. At work, when colleagues talk about their weekend plans or relationship issues, he sometimes wants to contribute. Not for attention. Not to shock. Just to be part of the conversation. But how does someone say, “Oh, my wife and I met another couple. The other guy had a great time pounding my wife coochie, and then we all had dinner together afterwards” when the culture around them only knows one version of normal?
And this isn’t just about swinging. It’s about how little space society gives for honest, respectful conversation about lifestyles that fall outside the standard box.
Is Silence the Only Safe Option?
Most people want to feel understood. And in a world where people talk about almost everything: mental health, dating, parenting, sexuality, it’s easy to assume we’ve reached a place of openness. But for many, silence still feels safer.
The man said he sometimes jokes about his weekend using metaphors. He might say they had a “partner swap tournament” when asked about tennis or joke about “watching the other guy score” at a game. It’s meant to lighten the mood. But underneath the humour is a quiet question: why does he have to hide who he is to protect people’s comfort?
Some might say, “Keep private things private.” But what does that even mean when people share so much about their relationships, family life, and even sex lives in casual conversation? The problem isn’t that swinging is too private. It’s that people expect everyone to live the same kind of life.
And when someone doesn’t, they’re expected to filter, edit, or stay silent altogether.
The Gap Between Truth and Acceptance
There’s nothing shameful about people choosing a relationship style that works for them. Research shows that consensual non-monogamy, including swinging, is more common than many think. According to one study, roughly 1 in 5 adults in the United States have engaged in some form of consensual non-monogamy in their lifetime.
Still, the public understanding of it remains limited. People often confuse swinging with cheating, even though the two are very different. Swinging, when done ethically, involves communication, trust, and consent. Cheating breaks trust. The two have opposite foundations.
Yet people who are open about swinging often face judgment, awkward questions, or even social distancing. Some worry about being seen as unstable, selfish, or overly sexual. Others fear it could hurt their reputation, their job, or their relationships with family and friends.
This kind of pressure forces many to hide an important part of who they are. Not because they’re ashamed, but because they know others may not understand.
And the emotional toll of this can be heavy. The man in this story said he often feels like he’s living two lives. At home, things feel real and grounded. At work or with extended family, he becomes quieter, more selective with his words, more aware of every glance.
So What Can Be Done?
There’s no easy answer. The world doesn’t change overnight. But a few things can help.
First, more people need to understand that alternative lifestyles exist, and that they’re not a threat to anyone. Research has found that people in consensual non-monogamous relationships report similar or even higher levels of satisfaction, trust, and communication compared to those in monogamous relationships.
Second, there’s a need for safe spaces. If someone can’t talk openly at work, perhaps there are online groups, meetups, or private communities where they can be themselves without fear. Being part of a space that doesn’t require editing helps with self-esteem, confidence, and mental clarity.
Third, those who don’t share these lifestyles can practice listening. No one is asking for approval. Just understanding. When someone says, “This is what works for me,” the goal isn’t to challenge it, it’s to hear it without judgment.
And finally, those living in alternative lifestyles should feel no pressure to explain themselves unless they choose to. Honesty is powerful, but it should always be on their own terms.
The man who shared his story said something simple but important: “We don’t seek validation. We just want to live like everyone else.”
The Key Takeaways Here
Every lifestyle has its trade-offs. For those in the swinging community, the joy of trust, freedom, and exploration can come with a price: silence in public, jokes instead of truth, and careful word choices at work.
But it’s still a real life. A full one. A healthy one.
And maybe one day, when someone asks, “How was your weekend?” You won’t have to switch words or dodge the question. You’ll just answer. And that answer will be seen for what it is: a part of life, no more or less valid than anyone else’s.
